The night I was born a great storm had taken place. The sky had been filled with low rumbling thunder, and lightning lit the dark sky in bright fluorescent flashes. The air had felt fat with humidity when I had took my first breath and had let out a scream that matched the thunder outside. I have always found a great comfort in storms; it feels as though the world comes to a complete and silent halt and the only thing left is the gentle shifting of the trees. The sound of raindrops on the roof and the roll of thunder outside leaves one to think of only the breath in their lungs and the drumming of their heart. Moments like these are important to me; moments where I have only the present to think about and the past and future are a distant echo.

The silence of a sleeping house or the familiar heat of the sun against skin. I take comfort in these small instances in life were I am reminded of the almost childlike simplicity that the heart holds. My childhood memories are very special to me; they hold a time were I saw the world through rose tinted glasses, and a time when no one could do no wrong.  Eyes not yet exposed to the viciousness and cruelty that intermingles with the beating pulse of life, I had been blind. I want back the blissful ignorance that had made me blind to the shadows of the real world.

Monsters no longer lurk under beds but instead in the eyes of  people.

I used to be a girl that had trusted the world and had held the door wide open to let the good in, but what I hadn’t realized is the fact that with the good comes the bad. This is a sort of natural law that holds the universe in a state equilibrium, it acts as a sort of catalyst that further initiates a more extensive series of events.

What I have come to know now is that there is a balance between the good and the bad. I came to understand and almost embrace this fact during a period of my life where I had to either face my insecurities and fears or let the shadows and darkness completely over take me. I realized that the person I was at that time wasn’t who I wanted to be. I had surrounded myself with a wall so impenetrable that had caused me to abandon not only my friends but also some of my family, and all because of the thoughts that had filled my head at the time. It was like a voice in my head that would always point out my smallest mistakes or failures. This turned to the point that this little voice had completely over taken who I was as a person, and caused me to almost shrink into a small mold of my self that wasn’t really me at all. At one point I hit a breaking point were I knew I had to make a change. Recovery wasn’t easy. It was like I had to completely start over and learn how to become comfortable in my own skin again. This process ultimately lead me to one understanding: the world wasn’t a kind place but I could make it one by not only being kind to others, but to also remember to be kind to myself.

I like to think that the person I am now is a stronger and more optimistic girl who looks to empower others in her life, and views hardships and challenges as away to grow and improve. I look forward for what the future holds for me but still wonder through life breathing in the present and letting it wash over me.

The world is a unkind place yes, but it is up to us to really stop and take a look. Take a look at the sun shining down on you. Feel the heat. Feel the wind run through your hair and take a breath. Let the oxygen fill your lungs until they feel tight against you rib cage. Then breath out. Feel the your muscles relax and let your body sink into the earth. Let it overtake you in a tight embrace, and feel the calm that resides over you as it sings you to sleep. Take comfort in the small moments.

 

Reflection:

For my blog this year I want to focus on the themes of lightness and darkness/ black and white. I chose my title as it represent a tiny spark which adds to my theme and contrasts with the overall dark aesthetic of my blog and writing. As a personal goal for this semester I want to explore a more narrative style of writing instead of writing mainly poetry which I have been doing for the past years.