There’s an ancient, ancient house that I see sometimes in my dreams,
Where the empty windows glare down at me as I walk towards the remains of what used to be,
Where the air is filled with the sweet scent of forget-me-not’s
And the vase of roses on the kitchen table wither into grey,
The voices of the past sing me the lullaby of yesterday,
In the crumbling hallways and rooms I walk, and wait, and listen.
Listen as they retell me the story of the past.
This used to be a sanctuary of love,
But now shadows take the place of sunny memories,
And every time find I myself revisiting this museum of the past
I find myself trying to re-enact it,
Playing house with skeletons.
Lost in the ecstasy of my subconsciousness,
Too lost to notice that it is only a dream,
Until the morning sunlight kisses my eyelids and I am pulled back.
A sadness settles in my chest and sends a tremble through my soul,
For I have to wait another night to go back.
Reflection:
This poem is an emulation I did of “A Garden” by H.P Lovecraft. I decided to emulate this poem because it is one of my favorite pieces by H.P Lovecraft, and because of the way he describes the garden in the original piece. I thought it was a really beautiful way to share a story. This piece by Lovecraft presents us with an individual who is revisiting their past in the form of this garden, it shares the loneliness this individual is feeling at the time “I will often seek to find when it was I knew that garden in an age long left behind” . For my own emulation for this piece I tell a story of a person who is haunted by their past, they miss the life they had before and the lost the people most important in their life. I think H.P Lovecraft is a really amazing writing and I remember the first time I read one of his works in creative writing last year, and as a new writer I personally found a lot of inspiration by reading his work. I often try to imitate the theme of darkness that you see in all of his work in my own writing. I think that any new writer should be exposed to his work, because I think by exposing yourself to a lot of other writers you can also build on your own identity as a writer, and I think that Lovecraft definitely played a role in that for me.
Link to original work:
http://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/texts/poetry/p100.aspx
Header Image:
Xaviera Lopez, Black and White animation, Giphy.com, xavieralopez, https://giphy.com/gifs/art-animation-black-and-white-3o7TKTapr4dQr6GWZy
Dear Aliza,
This poem captured the feeling of getting lost in happier memories and wishing to be able to live them again. I especially loved the lines “The voices of the past sing me the lullaby of the yesterday” and “Playing house with skeletons. Lost in the ecstasy of my subconsciousness” because of how they show the twisted satisfaction that living in the past can bring.
I would suggest you try playing around with capitalization and punctuation more because they can sometimes ruin the flow of the poem. In your poem, you still capitalized the next word even after a comma, which sometimes made me go back and think about what was written.
I really liked how you talked about the importance of trying out all kinds of different writers and genres in your reflection because it is extremely beneficial for any writer and helps to develop a voice and preferred writing style. I am looking forward to your future writings and how you’ll grow!
Sincerely,
Kayla
Dear Kayla,
Thank you so much I will keep in my punctuation and capitalization in mind for my future posts.
-Aliza
Dear Aliza,
This is such a wonderful piece. It’s a beautiful poem and written very well. I like the details you used to help establish the setting, such as the scent in the air, the withering roses, and the crumbling hallways. I also love the idea of someone dreaming of their past, represented by a dark and dreary house, very creative!
One thing I would say is that you could explain why the individual would want to visit the house again, if it represents a dark past where they lost their loved ones. Why do they miss this past and long to dream of it?
Other than that, I think that this is an amazing emulation! It was very interesting, and I was able to create a vivid picture in my mind of the house with the details you included. I will definitely check out the original piece!
Sincerely,
Noor
Dear Noor,
I’m glad you enjoyed my writing I will make sure to work and pay greater attention on my clarity when editing my work.
-Aliza
Aliza
This is fantastic I loved it. Your poetry is very illustrative indeed. I think the line, “The voices of the past sing me the lullaby of the yesterday” is definitely my favorite phonetically, but also in terms of how it ties the whole idea of the poem together.
As someone who tends to find themselves so entrenched in their own day dreams and memories, I find it ever so fascinating the way that these things manifest themselves in people’s minds, and how some people create illusions for themselves to live in that are so convincing that when those illusions are shattered, it is as damaging to them as having their reality shattered as well.
One thing I would offer, granted I know nothing of poetry writing, but to me, the repetition of the word “past” at the end of your lines in your poem somewhat took me out of the flow, and I would suggest avoiding unstructured repetition like that, and aim for a more diverse word choice in your poetry. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.
This is beautiful, in conclusion, and I’ll definitely be reading a lot more of what you choose to put out because you are a brilliant wordsmith.\
With all my heart,
Ḷ̶̯̫̳̼͍̘͉̹͔̟͈̲͕̰̹̪̖̜̋̀͑̆̅̇̈́̃̎͐̌̃͌͘̚͠i̴̡̨̡̢̡̝̗̤̱̱̗̘̝̭̱͚̖̻͉̗̤̘̗͎͉̝̣͚̺̟͓̰̦̥̒͒a̶̢̛̠̣͎̱̣̙̠͚͔̠̼̗͙̙̱͇̹̼̫͍͍̽̐͗̿̽͂̆͒̋́͗͐̈́̅͌̊̉̽̃̀͗̄͛̆̋̉̎̕̚͘͝͝ͅm̶̡̛̫̭͙̼̻̖̫̣̤̤̟̳̞̟͈̹̣̞̰͈̗̥̈́̈́̆́͒͗̊̈́̏̈́̑̂́͗̽͆̈́͌̅͗͌͗̈̉̽̊̈́͐̕͝
Dear Liam,
I really appreciate your feedback, and I will take it in to consideration when editing my writing.
-Aliza
Dear Aliza,
This is an amazing piece ad a wonderful emulation of one of Lovecraft’s finest works in my opinion. Lovecraft is one of my favourite authors and I would like to thank you for making such a beautiful emulation of one of his pieces. This piece has incredible lyricism and a flow that is not only aesthetically pleasing but it is also pleasing to read and would make a good spoken word.
A note that I have is to play with your own style more. I know that this is an emulation however i would have liked to have seen more of your own voice in it rather than you following Lovecraft so closely. Also you have a typo in your reflection “I think H.P Lovecraft is a really amazing writing.”
Change writing to writer and everything will be dandy.
All in all this was a fantastic piece to read and I am looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future
Sincerely,
Aaman
Dear Aaman,
I really appreciate your feed back I was trying to experiment with Lovecraft’s style of writing but I understand why you said that it lacked my own voice in it.
-Aliza
Aliza, this is a great poem (I’m guessing since I have an inability to destinguish it from different pieces of writing so I apologise) I found it very interesting and I would like to read more of these types of writing in the future
Dear Aamrinder,
Thank you I’m glad you enjoyed my writing.
-Aliza